I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
