This is not my ceiling
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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