I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
