Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
