a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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