If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Randomize
