Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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