So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize