I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I need a burrito and a hug.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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