god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
