Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
