I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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