i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
This toilet bowl is my home.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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