i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
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