my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
