Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
