you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize