god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
