I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
