I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
