I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize