For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
