Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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