My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
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