He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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