my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
