im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Randomize