I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
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