you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
