careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
