this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
