Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
she pinky promised me she was 18
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Sext me about skeletons
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Randomize
