I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Randomize
