Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
