i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
