i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Randomize
