i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
