i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Randomize
