Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
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