did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
