he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
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