Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize