Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
