we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
