So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
