So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
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