Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
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