Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize