i think my tv is drunk
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
