I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
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