Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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