There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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