Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Randomize
