either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
