the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Randomize
