It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Randomize
