Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
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