Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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