your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
