i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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