First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
