Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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