alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Walk of Shame today included voting.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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