I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
