I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize