My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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