So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
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