Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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