I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
