Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
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