I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Randomize
