Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
