So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
