hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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