Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Randomize
