the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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