what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Randomize
