if i can run in heels then i can drive
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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