He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize