DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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