cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Randomize
