were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Randomize
