i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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