so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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