I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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