Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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