i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Randomize
