Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
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