Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
