I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
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