he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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