Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Randomize
