What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I need to stop coming to work sober
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
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