she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
