I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
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