You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
false alarm. still invincible.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
