I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Randomize
