I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
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